Gordo - Day Six

My grandmother is a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and a beautiful tortoise.

She will also be the first to tell you if you've gained weight or not. A few days before this family reunion she pointed out to me that my face looked "full" and "stuffed." (To her credit and skills of perception - I had gain a few pounds in the last few months.)
If there was an Olympic event on weight guessing, Chileans would have all the motherfucking medals. Believe that. Pointing out how much someone has gained or lose in weight is sort of a pastime here in Chile. Even though my parents know it upsets me when they do it, my mother does slip one out every once in awhile just to maintain her citizenship. You really have to take what people say here with a grain of salt. At times one could hear the smartest and most open minded people use the world "negro" in interesting ways. "No no no, I don't mean (insert racial slur here) like that. I mean it like this. You know? In that good way."
(Thanks for the clarification Abuelita, Tio, Tia, Prima or Primo)
The photo above represents about 1/5 of my entire family - on my mother's side. There were people who attended this reunion that I hadn't seen since I was baby. All I had to do was say "I am the son of Ana Gabriela" and they would either scream, laugh or start to talk very quickly in disbelief on how much I've grown. The great thing about these type of folk is that because they hadn't seen me in a long time we got to skip the part when they tell me how fat I am or how much weight I've lost.
On the way home my mother and aunt spoke without silence the entire fifty minute drive - an almost seamless ping pong of "sheissougly-canyoubelievehowfatsheis-ohmygodshelookedamazing-toobadherhusbandhasgainedsomuchweight-ilovewhatshedidwithherhair-thatmanisjuststraightupcrazy-didyouseehowmucheyelinershewaswearing!" In retrospect it all sounds very amusing but my uncle and I were ready to jump out the window in horror at the rate they were stripping down everyone's physical appearance. My mother is one of the most loving and nurturing women I know but when she gets together with one of her sisters - the craziest shit comes flying out of her mouth. Some of it deadly enough to cause a familial fist fight.

God bless Chile.