My Sister - Day Thirty Five

when i was a kid, daniella was one of my best friends.
yesterday i sat down with her and had a long conversation. she is wise and although she is simple, her wisdom gives me a sense of direction and hope. there are those times where i think she is a complete brut and her aggressive way of joking or making a point makes me cringe... but i love her. i wish that we had more things in common and that we spoke a similar cultural language. having said that, i am grateful that she is still my friend.

there are times when i am beside myself because of my big sister and i feel small. in the most modest and genuine way possible, i feel like i'm learning. i've seen the world and been to therapy and she has it together. she doesn't push the issue or herself to the limit because she doesn't have to, because she doesn't want to. i admire her for that and feel humble. to spiral, to feel anxious, for all of my twenties i've learn that those are choices. it is not a sickness the way professionals seem to diagnose them. it is not a condition where your only choice is to throw your hands up in the air and submit to medication. you can consciously fight to keep yourself from going under into that dark place where you obsess over one singular issue and spiral. depression is not a disease, its a condition that anyone can get themselves out of. it is up to the individual whether they make the choice to pay attention and cultivate what is bringing them down. i am trying to not even plant the seed when i know the result will be instant weeds and ruins.