finally my body relaxes after five weeks of BOLIVIA and CHILE. the boys have gone home and i am here with the footage to transfer and log. i started to realize, these past few days, how damaged my feet are and how tense i have been on this entire trip. i've been sleeping in a lot, something i have haven't done in weeks, even when i could.
yesterday i went with my dad to the farm and took a two hour horse ride to the beach. it wasn't as picturesque as i would have liked it to be and not because of the scenery. mostly because of my father's constant use his cell phone before and during the trip, talking to manufacturers and lawyers. i had to just let it go and realize that this is my father. his life isn't complete unless he is solving his own or other people's problems. if he doesn't have any, he creates them. everyone knows it but himself. if you were to call him on it he would say something like "do you think i like this?" and the obvious answer would be "yes. yes you do." anyone who has mental problems and has never really been in therapy or received help are never going to admit their problems to themselves. at best, when you tell him of a fault that is so obviously true, he will always reply with something like; "that could be true."
if this film has taught me anything its to just let go. allow my parents to be the people they are and not try to change them. if i get to the point where their actions are causing me mental harm, walk away and take a breath.
come back when i have distance.
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